Solitude

Lately I've been discovering solitude of a different kind. I've been wandering through the hallways of my mind in the safety of my room. Shrouded in lush pillows, duck-down-filled quilts and plush duvets I slowly and luxuriously explore pieces of my heart, hand in hand with the King. He guides me, He leads me and sometimes He follows me as I pick those parts which delight me and shudder at others that resemble a blackened pin cushion.

My favourite part of solitude is that I'm not actually alone. Paradoxical though it is, it makes complete sense and is comforting to be aware of. There comes a moment when I'm positive that I am walking in darkness, all alone, but really I'm not. Shoulders shaking as the sobs wrack my body, the silvery sounds of tears falling fast and hard, and all this contained in the heart of a girl that believes she is alone. Isn't it the most heart-rending sweetness that flows when she realises that she was never alone and never will be? The blackness in the thunder clouds deepens into a startling purple, the blue hues intensify and contrast exquisitely with the surrounding greens. You see, it is too clichéd to talk about the awesome majesty of the sun breaking through the clouds and I feel that even if it were a less than perfect summer day I would still find the beauty within the lightning.

This is my solitude. It doesn't sound quiet but that is because the silence is in my soul. My soul quietens and becomes gentle, slow to anger and quick to rejoice. This is what I want when I find solitude: I want to be still and know that He is God. And then my God and I will talk, my soul resting in Him. Such discussions we will have... Such laugher and such sharing...

A sigh of happiness escapes from my inner most being.