It's Been A While

I'm not sure what has drawn me back here. I am not certain that this will gather readers. I like writing and I like producing. This blogging phase was just that - a phase that the young and vibey went through. Recently I have been thinking of returning, but there was nothing that I wanted to say. Then my thoughts became more clear, less fuzzy, and I realised that there is so much that I want to say but that I do not know *which* of these things to put out into the open.

I want to say that I am hopelessly human, who constantly tries to sit up straight, eat right, drink coffee, is scared to go to public toilets, has been socialised by a friend into despising the sound of slurping, is afraid of balloons, and loves being right. I like being right and everyone else being happy about that, if I'm totally honest. I don't really enjoy being right and no one liking it. That's just awkward for all involved.

I also want to say that teaching children is hard work. The actual work is simple, but keeping yourself together, not losing it completely is hard. It's difficult to not actually pull your hair out. Which I did in one of my lessons. I was very frustrated. It's challenging to keep a smile nailed to your face. It's almost painful to not threateningly smile (not the same one that you nail on) and suggest, icily, that they do what they are told.

But it's also the most tender and beautiful feeling when a chubby four year old slips her hand into yours as you walk them to the bathroom. When you stand outside waiting for them, she presses her head into your leg, and grasps your thigh, begging to be walked back to class in this impossible position. She shrieks with delight as you do, and the others clamber for the same treatment. Sadly you have to teach now and so it's back to business, the soft and edible moments must pass.

Yes.. This is what I felt I had to put down in this space. And I feel at rest now that I have done it.